Changes

Wow. So many things have changed in my life since I last posted here. The biggest and most pivotal change, though? I’m moving to Thailand in 25 days. There’s no better time for a blog revival, I suppose. A theme that I’m hoping to apply not only here but also in my actual life is more honesty and trust.

I wish I could say that I was super excited. Everyone keeps asking me if I am. The truth is I’m very scared. This is the first time I’ve independently moved anywhere outside of Chicago. Thailand is an adventure I’ve been dreaming of for most of my life. That is thrilling. However, a thick fog is just starting to burn off from the past year and a half of my life. I went through a gut-wrenching breakup. My uncle committed suicide. I finally had to take my depression by the horns, but not without having a complete mental breakdown first. I have been bruised, bloodied, and broken-hearted, but the experience has been nothing short of transformative. I feel as though I have nothing left to lose now.

Cheryl Strayed’s writing got me through a lot of my darkest days. This quote in particular keeps echoing in my mind:

“Hello, fear. Thank you for being here. You’re my indication that I’m doing what I need to do.”

Alright, then. Let’s do this thing.

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UCWbL Forever

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Today is my last day working at the DePaul University Center for Writing-based Learning, fondly known as the UCWbL. Little did I know how such a strange acronym would make such a large impact on my life.

I’ve been at the UCWbL for three years and have worn many hats. It’s is a place where writers can come to get assistance from tutors. It’s a place where English Language Learners can come to have a friendly, patient chat in English. It’s a place where coworkers can collaborate on things that are important to them. Most importantly, though, it’s a place where you can listen and be listened to. I’ve come to appreciate that in more ways than one.

I’ve also made so many wonderful friends here, some of them I imagine I’ll keep for a very long time. It will be odd not to see them everyday, to crack jokes, to whine about citation styles or mandatory meetings, or to sit on the ancient yellow couch in the back room and just talk.

Leaving a place that I’ve often called my second home will be hard (seriously, I’ve tried to open the office with my apartment keys before). It’s not so much the absence of the UCWbL, but the metamorphosis that is happening right under my nose. I had an opportunity to stay here, if I had joined a graduate program and continued my student status. But I chose to stroll down a different path for a while. At neuroses would have it, I’ve always wondered if I made the right decision.  There’s a lot of change happening in the next few weeks. I move to my new studio next week, and I start my new job in two weeks. My roommates of two and four years are moving. And, as one of my coworkers and friends said this morning, “I felt the seasons change. I felt an autumn breeze.”

Then I thought back to one of my favorite shows, Sex and the City (I know, I know, get over it. It’s fantastic!). At the end of Season 4, Carrie & the gang go through a plethora of changes in their lives. My friend’s words reminded me of a quote that I hold dear:

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course we wouldn’t fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cites. People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.”

I consider myself very lucky. Thanks, UCWbLers. I won’t be able to lift a pen without thinking of you guys. All my love.

Pictures from the DePaul UCWbL Flickr page

If you’re a DePaul student or alum, you can always and forever visit the Writing Center for free! Check it out!

Karma Police

A quote for crabby Mondays. One of the things I’m working on is trying not to let my bad moods be toxic. If I’m crabby, I unconsciously try to make others crabby so I don’t feel left out. I’m getting better, though, by keeping a karma-like attitude on me at all times.

Not sure I “believe” in karma per se, but I do believe that bitterness is like a disease that others can easily catch. Whenever I’m in a foul mood, I take some “me” time to decompress. Don’t go to bed angry? False! Totally go to bed angry! It’s surprising what sleep or even a nap can do to level your emotions. I also try to think of my loved ones more carefully. They don’t deserve to deal with my random irritability that will likely soon dissipate. Remember: you don’t have to look or be chipper (god knows its hard sometimes), but try to be nice!

Also, you all should know this about me upfront: I’m a hardcore Radiohead fan. Thom Yorke is my idol. I have an assortment of  memorabilia in my room, including Yorke’s autograph (I met him after a show once)! Anyways, my title was of course inspired by the Radiohead song of the same name. It’s accompanied by a pretty interesting music video, which is available for your viewing pleasure below.

I say this with trepidation, but: Happy Monday!